Hello beautiful soul
For most of my career, every time my brain froze in a meeting, I stumbled over a salary ask, or let someone talk over me, I thought the problem was me.
I was on my way to becoming a Chief People Officer. Climbing the ranks. Still quietly blaming my “lack of confidence” for the moments I lost my voice.
Like the fish in David Foster Wallace’s story, I couldn't see the water I was swimming in. When you ask a fish, “How’s the water?”, the fish blink back: “What water?”
It wasn't until I left corporate and began coaching full-time, that I saw the GIANT difference between my male and female clients.
With a little coaxing, the men set themselves free. But with the exact same input, I watched the women stay stuck.
And right there, the Universe gave me the perfect mirror that showed me what I was here to do... "These women are all just like me... which means it was never really about me after all... it was the system."
Our “water” is a culture that trains girls to be pleasing, polite, and smaller from the moment they can speak.
So the habits we beat ourselves up for?
These aren’t personality flaws.
They make sense—because the system shaped them.
We learned them to stay likeable—and “safe.”
But naming the water was just the beginning.
Everything changed in my business—and my soul—when I finally allowed myself to feel rage.
The frustration. The disbelief. At what is still happening to women.
Sometimes that rage looked like anger. But more often, it showed up as tears.
And I saw it again this week.
Rachel Reeves cried in UK Parliament.
And the reaction?
Headlines. Panic. Market commentary. As if a woman shedding a tear could shake the economy.
I don’t know exactly why she cried. But I do know this:
She cried.
She stood the f$%k back up.
She showed up the next day, held her ground, and spoke to the world again.
That’s leadership.
That’s how we do things as women.
We feel.
We rise.
We lead—without leaving ourselves behind.
Not pretending we don’t care. Not performing strength by shutting down. Not numbing our truth for the comfort of others.
We don’t need more stoicism. We need more soul.
We’ve tried pushing through. Silencing emotion. Performing strength at the cost of our humanity.
It didn’t make us better leaders. It just made us disconnected ones.
What we need now are leaders who feel. Who care. Who cry when it matters—and rise again the next day, clearer, stronger, and more human than ever.
Leadership rooted in soul, not suppression.
That’s the shift. That’s the future.
Why this matters (yes, research backs it up):
1. The self-promotion gap – Women rate identical performance far lower than men when they know employers will see the score.
2. Visibility penalties – Women who negotiate or self-advocate are judged more harshly than men for the same behaviour.
We were never the problem.
But the water we’re swimming in? That needs naming and understanding. Once we understand the water, and what it makes us do. We can choose not to fall into confidence killing traps like:
1 | Over-explaining our wins at every opportunity
You deliver the result—then drown it in caveats:
“I led the launch… but marketing owned the budget.”
That isn’t transparency. It’s self-erasure dressed as humility.
→ Shift: State the achievement once. Full stop.
2 | Underselling in the name of honesty and being seen as humble
“Just,” “only,” and “small” are confidence erasers in disguise.
Honesty doesn’t mean giving people reasons to doubt you.
→ Shift: Swap the minimiser for a metric or outcome.
3 | Telling your story like reading from a list of ingredients
Tasks list facts. Leaders narrate transformation.
→ Shift: Frame any moment with: Challenge → Choice → Change → Message.
4 | Spiralling when you say no
A half-hearted no costs more trust than a direct one.
→ Shift: Say no once. Explain once (if useful). Then stop talking.
These aren’t personality flaws... it makes sense that we are like this.
But they are also the tiny leaks that drain confidence day after day.
A micro invitation for this week
Pick one moment—an email, an update, a boundary.
Say only the truth that serves you. No disclaimers. No shrinking.
Let the silence hold.
Microscopic shifts → corrosion undone → confidence reclaimed.
Now tell me my friend, your turn...
Hit reply and tell me one micro-moment you’ll claim this week. I read and reply to every single one—for real for real.
Rooting for you always
Ruth x
Ps. If you’re ready to be all of who you are, there are a few ways I can support you with that right now:
- Hit reply if you think you might want to be part of the next Women Who Lead cohort (confirmed for September!) — I’ll make sure you’re first to hear when the waitlist opens.
- Get a little inspiration in the meantime —
Watch Women Who Lead, the podcast here, or listen here. - Invite me to speak at your company and let’s see if we can get them to invest in the women on your team 💫
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