Hello beautiful soul
There’s this thing we do as women in conversation... tell me if you can relate...
We nod along. Even when we don’t agree.
We smile politely. Even when our bodies are screaming no.
We tilt our heads and say, “Mm-hmm.” Even when the words forming in our mouths never quite make it out.
We do it in meetings. On dates. At dinner with family. With friends we don’t want to upset. With colleagues we don’t want to challenge.
It’s quiet. Subtle. Almost invisible.
But it’s everywhere... and it is exhausting.
We are so eager to please the person sitting in front of us, to make them feel valued and important, that we leave ourselves behind.
It’s what we call people-pleaser listening [explainer video linked here].
But let me be super clear here, this isn’t a bad habit to feel ashamed of in some way — it’s a survival strategy.
Because the truth is: most of us learned very early that it wasn’t always safe to take up space. That disagreeing made us difficult. That speaking honestly could cost us connection. Or approval. Or our sense of belonging.
So instead, we disappeared — slowly, gently, one polite nod at a time.
But here’s the thing.
People-pleaser listening isn’t the actual problem.
It’s our outdated solution to something much deeper:
We were taught not to trust ourselves.
This is what’s often called the "maiden wound", though in Women Who Lead, we call her the Explorer.
The Explorer is the first of the archetypes — the part of us that is young, radiant, wide-eyed, and alive. She is the stage of becoming. She is our follicular phase if we are menstruating. Goofy, playful and up for adventure.
But in a world that doesn’t value feminine power, that Explorer quickly learns to shrink.
She’s taught not to trust herself, and instead, to please.
To perform.
To perfect.
To stay palatable.
She internalises a core message: I am not enough.
So she works harder to earn her place.
And the result? She starts filtering herself — in conversation, in relationships, and in life. She disappears to stay safe.
But it doesn’t end there.
When we stop trusting ourselves, we also stop trusting each other.
We compare. We compete. We comply.
We don’t speak up when something feels off.
We stay silent when other women are dismissed.
We soften our truth for the comfort of others — and call it maturity.
The real tragedy is this: We’re starved of the very connection that would heal us.
So what now?
We remember that we are not just the Explorer. We are also:
The Creator — the one who creates and nourishes.
The Alchemist — the one who transforms and tells the truth.
The Visionary — the one who sees clearly and holds the standard.
We let the Explorer rest. We let her be held. And we grow.
We choose to lead ourselves differently — with courage, not compliance.
It starts with listening. For real, this time.
Listening to your gut.
To your body.
To your own knowing — even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when it’s inconvenient.
Here’s what that looks like in practice:
→ Notice when your mind starts racing.
Are you listening to understand — or to be accepted?
→ Take up space.
You don’t need to shrink to be worthy of being here.
→ Stop performing.
Presence doesn’t mean proving. It means being.
→ Trust what you hear inside.
Even if it’s messy. Even if it challenges the room. Even if someone frowns.
Because when you start listening to yourself — others do too.
No more disappearing.
Let’s stop nodding through discomfort.
Let’s stop letting silence speak louder than our truth.
Let’s stop playing small.
It's time to "Say the darn thing".
This month, I’m hosting a free session for women inside Women Who Lead Sisterhood—and I want to invite you to join us.
The Sisterhood is my private community space for all of my group programmes. And for a short time at least, I’ve decided to open it up—free to access, to see what Blooms when women come together in safety and truth.
Session details:
"Say the Darn Thing: Speaking with courage, clarity and credibility"
đź“… April 29th
đź•“ 4pm UK / 11am ET
This is your invitation to rise.
To take up space.
To back each other.
To keep telling the truth—even when it shakes the room.
Because our liberation—quite literally—depends on it.
New Women Who Lead episode: Burnout, boundaries and bold leadership with Kelly Swingler
In the latest episode of Women Who Lead, I sit down with the powerful Kelly Swingler—burnout educator, executive coach, and no-fluff force for change—to explore what it really means to lead with boundaries, boldness, and deep self-awareness.
What's even better is that you can WATCH or LISTEN, depending on your vibe.
|
Rooting for you always
Ruth x
Responses