She said something I think all women will recognise 😬

Hello beautiful soul

The other week I was coaching a brilliant woman, a founder leading a fast-growing company.
She’s sharp, compassionate, magnetic.
But like so many of us, she’s learning to hold her power without hardening, and overcome a lifetime of being taught that her passion, her fire, her vibrance makes her too much. 

She told me,
“I can feel myself shrink in certain meetings. I get smaller. I’m trying to hold myself back, not be too emotional, too passionate... too much.”

I know that feeling.
Because I’ve lived it too.

That contraction you feel when someone’s energy makes your nervous system brace?
That’s your small self—the younger part of you who learned that safety meant staying small. And she did a GREAT job. There was a time that shift was exactly what you needed. 

But when it happens now? That's your small self is just trying to protect you.
She doesn’t yet know that the grown woman—your big self—can hold you now.

So when that contraction comes, I invite my clients (and myself) to say:
“Hey honey, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

That small self doesn’t need to run the meeting anymore. Your big self is here and she has her big girl pants on. 

...and side note: too much for who exactly anyway...!? 

When you notice yourself shrinking, don’t fight it.

Don’t force confidence.
Don’t rush to perform power.

Just breathe.

A deep inhale. An audible exhale. Shoulders roll back. Open posture.

That simple act signals to your body: I’m safe.
And when your body believes you’re safe, your energy expands.

Because your nervous system speaks before your words ever do.
People don’t just hear your energy—they feel it.

We can literally shift a room with our presence. Not by performing strength, but by embodying openness.

But let's be clear here, your small self isn’t the enemy.

Most of the women I work with have spent years trying to silence their small self—the emotional one, the fiery one, the one who gets triggered.

But that’s not the work.

The work is integration.
Meeting those parts with compassion instead of shame.

Because when you suppress your emotional truth, you suppress your leadership.
Your warmth, your clarity, your discernment—they live in that same emotional body.

Our goal isn’t to kill the fire.
It’s to contain it.
To turn flames into embers.
To speak truth that warms rather than burns.

That’s what energetic authority really is.

Some moments split your life into before and after—not because anything dramatic happened externally, but because something irreversible shifted within you.

I have felt the rooms where my nervous system was leading from fear.
I have felt the meetings where I shrank to stay safe.
I have felt the relationships where I abandoned myself to keep the peace.

And I have felt the moment everything changed—
when my big self finally stepped forward and said:
No more. Not today satan. 

The version of me who got big pay rises and made bold career moves. 
The version who stopped waiting to be chosen and built her own path.
The version who learned that truth is worth the cost.
The version who chose freedom over approval.

The big self isn’t louder.
She’s clearer. She doesn’t fight for space—she occupies it. And she is inside you too.

A question for you this week: Where are you letting the small self drive the car? And what would shift if the big self took the wheel?

Pause. breathe. notice.

Before your next difficult meeting:
Feel your feet on the floor. Roll your shoulders back.
Tell your body: we’re safe. we belong.

And if you feel yourself shrinking, whisper: STAY BIG. 

Because leadership isn’t about what you say.
It’s the energy you bring when you say it.

You don’t need to prove your power. You just need to inhabit it.

This week inside The Sisterhood, we’re deep in Alchemist energy — nourishing, releasing, and refining.

1. Join our new moon reset on Thursday 20th at 12pm EST — a simple reset to reconnect with your rhythm, reflect, and set one intention that matters.

2. And THIS Friday 21st, at 10am EST we have Deanna Lloyd hosting a session with us on Women in AI.

Join us here.

Finally... I need a favour from you. 

I am gathering real workplace stories from women—the ones we were trained not to tell.
Not the polished versions. Not the corporate-safe versions. The truth.

If you’ve experienced belittling, harassment, silencing, gaslighting, coercion, erasure, or punishment for speaking truth or setting boundaries — I want to hear from you.

Your story will remain completely anonymous.
No names. No identifiers. No details that trace back to you or your organisation.

This isn’t for exposure or spectacle. It’s for illumination.

So we can make visible what has been allowed to stay hidden.
So we can name patterns that are not personal failures, but cultural ones.
So we can build something better.

If you feel called, hit reply and write to me directly:
[email protected]

Your voice matters. Your truth matters.
And you are not alone.

And finally... if something feels off — listen.
If you’re exhausted from performing strength — rest.
If your body whispers not this — trust her.

Walking away from what no longer fits is not failure.
It’s graduation.
It’s the moment your nervous system exhales and says: home.

Rooting for you always

Ruth x

Ps. The more I do this work, the more I know: Transformation doesn’t happen alone. It happens in circle. In conversation. In Sisterhood.

So I’m hosting two FREE intimate in-person gatherings this winter—one in New York, one in London—for women who are ready to expand into their big self, speak truth, and be witnessed. 

Small tables. Big conversations. Powerful energy.

Sign up for New York—December 4th, 11am EST at Butchers Daughter, Kenmare
Sign up for London—December 11th, 12.30pm UK at Huckletree, Oxford Circus

Spaces are VERY limited, so click to register your interest FAST.