Hello beautiful soul
Leadership is an energy, not a role. Period.
The difference between being abused and respected in the workplace isn’t a title.
It isn’t a pay rise.
It isn’t even the policies.
It’s an energetic shift.
I was speaking to a phenomenal, wise oracle of a woman at Female Founder World summit this past weekend — she’s in her 60s — and we were both reflecting on this. The energetic difference is powerful.
For a long time I’ve said the line I opened with: 'Leadership is an energy, not a role.'
And that energy?
It’s what makes you unfuckwithable.
It’s the difference between people thinking they can own you, control you, silence you… versus you standing in your centre.
Fully yourself. Not up for negotiation.
Why energy matters at work
Shortly before I stepped into executive level leadership, I became a yoga teacher.
It was terrifying — I didn’t feel ready.
But here’s what it gave me:
-
The courage to show up unqualified and trust myself to figure it out.
-
The ability to hold discomfort without shrinking, because y'all, people look like they HATE you when you get them to hold a position for a while.
-
Finally, and perhaps most importantly of all: it built capacity in my nervous system and helped me work with and activate my life force energy.
Leadership isn’t about knowing all the answers, it’s about how much your system can hold without collapsing.
I just started my training in Somatic Trauma Therapy recently, and now I see it even more clearly: 94-96% of how we show up by the time we are a fully formed adult is automatic. That means most of our workplace reactions are old patterns — not conscious choice.
The work is to interrupt those patterns. To choose presence over autopilot.
This is what shadow work really is... to bring the unconsicous coping strategies we have adopted into the light.
Because here’s the truth: shame runs most workplaces.
Shadow is the stuff we don’t see — the habits, beliefs, and strategies that quietly run the show for each of us.
Shame is what freezes us, makes us doubt ourselves, keeps us apologising when we’ve done nothing wrong.
At its best, shame can help us pause, reflect, repair. But when it gets toxic, it turns into:
-
“I am the problem.”
-
“I must make myself smaller.”
-
“If I just work harder, they’ll respect me.”
Sound familiar?
That’s not leadership. That’s survival mode honey.
See if any of this sounds like you sis:
Exhibit A: Perfectionism that makes you polish slides until 2am.
Exhibit B: Urgency that makes you say “yes” when you mean “no.”
Exhibit C: Self-abandonment that whispers: “Be grateful you even have a seat here.”
All shame stories. All shadow at work.
Okay Penfold, so what actually changes this?
I am so glad you asked.
Nervous system practices that thaw the freeze. That's part of what I share in Women Who Lead, the practices that lead you out of the shadows.
Like the epic Radiance Charger below: a simple combo of arm gesture and breathwork that clears mental fog, charges your energy, builds your capacity to hold discomfort and reminds your body it’s safe to take up space.
Or micro-moves in the moment: unclenching your jaw, moving your eyes, shifting your toes. Tiny choices that bring you back into the present and restore your agency.
Because when you can feel the freeze and add even one unit of movement — you restore choice. And choice is the foundation of sovereignty.
Here's a little reflection for you this week:
Where do you go on autopilot at work — shrinking, over-proving, or apologising?
And what’s one micro-move you could try this week to break that pattern?
Because leadership energy isn’t about a title.
It’s about presence.
It’s about sovereignty.
It’s about being unfuckwithable.
Rooting for you always
Ruth x
Ps. I have space for two final 1:1 clients in the last Q of this year, if you'd like to find out more, hit reply and we will arrange a call 🥰
Responses