Hello beautiful soul
When I was living in Atlanta two years ago, I started watching the early episodes of Queer Eye — partly because it was set there first, and I wanted to see if I was starting to recognise places 🙃
But what I noticed had nothing to do with the backdrop.
It was the setup. The show is essentially a make over show for those who haven't heard of it.
Five men.
Five specialists.
All rallying around one man — grooming him, styling him, feeding him, remodelling his home, and tending to his emotional wounds.
And suddenly it hit me.
This is what I often see one woman do in most relationships in her life.
Then it hit me again.
This is ALSO what I see women do in the workplace, every single day.
We “wife” everything.
We tidy up the mess — literal and emotional.
We track birthdays, bring snacks, anticipate tension, smooth the edges, remember everyone’s calendar, offer to take notes, remind the CEO what they said last week —
We do the invisible labour.
We carry the emotional burden.
We do that for everyone, usually aside from ourselves...
...and then we wonder why we’re burnt out.
But the truth is — it’s not just patriarchy.
It’s also us.
We’ve been conditioned to take our value from how useful we are.
We think: if I make myself indispensable, maybe I’ll finally feel safe.
Maybe they’ll like me.
Maybe I’ll belong.
And there’s science behind it too.
Research shows that women are more likely to take on "organisational citizenship behaviours" — things like mentoring others, remembering birthdays, mediating conflict, and doing the emotional and administrative glue work that keeps teams functioning.
But here’s the kicker: these behaviours are expected of women, but rarely rewarded. A Harvard Business Review study found that when women don’t engage in these behaviours, they’re penalised more harshly than men who do the same.
This isn't just personality — it's conditioning. Social psychology studies also show that from a young age, girls are praised for being helpful and agreeable, while boys are rewarded for being assertive and independent. So it makes sense that many of us grow up believing our worth is linked to how much we do for others.
But just because it makes sense… it doesn’t mean it has to continue.
We are not here to survive.
We are here to lead.
And that means choosing sovereignty.
It means building careers that serve us — not just everyone else.
It means stop trying to “wife” the whole damn office — and start wife-ing our own lives.
I talked all about this — and so much more — in a powerful LinkedIn Live with the brilliant Sheryl Miller.
We unpacked the real blueprint for the future of leadership.
The stuff no one else is talking about — especially not in rooms run by men.
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And if it hits you the way it hit us…
Share it.
Talk about it.
Send it to the women in your world who are burning out by making everyone else comfortable, and not being fairly rewarded or witnessed for the work they do.
Because our leadership begins the moment we stop over-functioning for others and entirely blaming them for it—
and start telling the truth about what we need.
So if you’re ready for a different kind of leadership—
one rooted in clarity, care, and self-trust...
Then check out the latest episode of Women Who Lead with Michelle Cheng.
Her story is one of grit, grace, and quiet power.
She doesn’t perform leadership. She embodies it.
And in this episode, she shares what it takes to lead without losing yourself.
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She’s strategic. She’s self-aware. She’s the real deal.
I loved this one—and I think you will too.
Rooting for you always
Ruth x
Ps. The next group of Women Who Lead is open for enrolment — we start June 10.
If you’re done playing small and ready to lead on your own terms, book a call with me here.
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