The moment you stop lying to yourself, everything changes 💫

Hello beautiful soul

What are you going to learn in six months that you already know today?

That's a question I love. It first landed in me as a leader of projects. To make sure that we were aware of all of our blindspots as a team, and what we might need to look out for during the project. 

Because truth? Sometimes the thing that derails us 6 months into something, is the the thing that we were avoiding admitting to ourselves when we started out. 

Not because we are dishonest. Just because we have hope. Just because we want to believe in the thing we are doing.

Yet often it’s been there the whole time—just waiting for us to stop pretending we can’t hear it.

Yikes. 

In Kundalini, there’s a mantra we use:
Sat Nam—which means—truth is my identity.

But truth, in a world that rewards performance, is often the first thing we abandon.

I know this because I’ve lived it—more than once.
My first marriage was the clearest example of this for me.

We were together for twelve years and I ended it in 2010. 
And no, it didn’t suddenly fall apart.
It was wrong from the very beginning.

There weren’t just red flags—there were fires.
Lies. Manipulation. Control.
And still, I told myself stories.
That this was love. That I could make it work. That I just needed to try harder.

So I did. Until I became numb to the truth altogether.

That time in my life taught me something important about human nature—
how easily we learn to ignore what we know.
How we convince ourselves it’s safer not to look too closely.

There’s a name for this.
Wilful blindness.

Margaret Heffernan writes about it in her book of the same name.
She explains how our brains are wired to keep us ‘safe’ by avoiding pain.
How we justify staying in hard things with stories that make it bearable.
How we silence the part of ourselves that knows—
because we’re afraid of what it might cost to listen.

And if you’re honest… I wonder where that might be showing up in your life right now.

That job you’re afraid to leave.
That relationship you’re afraid to outgrow.
That version of yourself you’re afraid to shed.

You tell yourself:
“It’s not that bad.”
“This is just what it takes.”
“I should be grateful.”

But darling, you can’t build a liberated life on a foundation of self-abandonment. You just can’t.

And the difference between who I was then, and who I am now?
Is that when the whispers came again in my second marriage—more subtle, but no less real—I listened.

I didn’t override them. I didn’t explain them away. I didn’t ask for permission.

I chose truth.

Not the polished version. Not the one I hoped for. The real one.

Even when it meant breaking something open.
Even when it meant starting again.
Even when it meant disappointing people I loved.

That choice is why this week I move into my own apartment in Brooklyn. 
Alive. Clear. Sovereign.
More myself than I’ve ever been.

And I want that for you too.
Not a move to Brooklyn. Not a divorce.
But a life that aligns on the inside—not just the outside.

Heffernan says we need two things to stop living in wilful blindness:

1. Critical thinking—not the school kind where we get gold stars for obedience, but the kind that asks: What am I not seeing here? Where am I performing? Where am I scared to know what I already know?
2. Courage—because that knowing often comes with change. And change takes guts. Even in tiny moments. Even when your voice shakes. Even when you don’t have a plan.

And while you practise those muscles?
Surround yourself with people who tell the truth. Who reflect you back to yourself. Who love you enough to gently say, “I think you already know.”

That’s why I created Women Who Lead.

Not to give you the answers. But to help you remember your own.

We start 10th September.
The doors open for applications TOMORROW, August 12th.
Spots go quickly, and I’ll be opening up my August calendar for discovery calls.

If you want in—reply to this email or DM me and I’ll send you the details.

You already know.
You’ve always known.
The only question is:
Are you ready to choose it?

Rooting for you always

Sat Nam 🫡
Ruth x

Ps. Want to practice speaking your truth at work? I’m running a FREE 60-minute session next Tuesday: Say the darn thing: how to communicate with power, clarity + confidence

📅 Tuesday, August 19th
🕚 9am EST / 2pm UK

We’ll cover:
– How to read power dynamics + own your role in the room
– What gets in the way of clear, confident communication
– Tools for navigating tricky conversations—without spiralling
– Why your voice is one of your most powerful leadership tools

🔗 Sign up here → https://www.womenwholead.us/say-the-darn-thing

Let’s stop rehearsing in our heads. Let’s say the thing.
I’d love to see you there.

Click here to see me talking about the session I ran for a company on this topic just this week!