Hello beautiful soul
I said no to the dinner before my TEDx talk.
Not because the people weren’t wonderful.
They were.
Not because I didn’t want to be there.
I did.
But because I knew what I needed.
I needed to sleep.
I needed to be clear.
I needed to wake up feeling like myself.
And I made no excuses, I simply said: "I am sorry, I would have loved to come to dinner, but my bedtime is 8.30pm, and it would mean eating too late, and me not being able to give myself the best shot tomorrow."
Everyone respected it. A man in the group even came up to me afterwards and said: "I deeply appreciate the way you just advocated for yourself and your needs there, thank you for role modelling that."
And for soooooooo many years, I wouldn’t have done that.
I would have said yes like a grateful good girl, worried what they might think if I didn't.
Smiled. Shown up. Pushed through.
Because I thought that was what being “good” looked like.
A good employee.
A good leader.
A good woman.
Available.
Accommodating.
Easy to work with.
Easy to be around.
But slowly, over time, I realised something that changed everything.
Every time I overrode myself, I moved a little further away from who I really am.
And when you are disconnected from yourself…
Your voice gets quieter.
Your energy gets thinner.
Your decisions get heavier.
Your life starts to feel like something you’re managing rather than living.
And I know you know this feeling.
Because the women I work with know it too.
The calendar full of things that don’t quite feel right.
The dinners you didn’t really want to go to.
The moments where you said yes… and felt your body say no.
Not because you’re weak.
Because you’re deeply attuned honey. But somewhere along the way, we were taught not to trust that.
Side note: Start small my darling, pick the lower stakes groups first and build the muscle over time. I highly recommend working on your self esteem in programs like Women Who Lead too, because that really is how we build enough self belief to know we won't be rejected if we say no.
By the time I was a Chief People Officer, I was super clear with everyone about how I work.
I like to go to bed early and wake up early. My morning practices are essential for me to be at my best. That isn't to say I won't make exceptions, but if I came me to something, it was intentional.
Because the truth is, when wake up early, 7pm for you can feel like 12am for someone else.
So I was honest.
Not apologetic. Not over-explaining.
Just honest about how I live and how it supports me.
And something beautiful happened.
It didn’t push people away. It created space.
For more honesty from the wider team.
More humanity for each other.
More ways of working that actually included different kinds of people.
Because leadership isn’t about fitting yourself into the system.
It’s about having the courage to shape it.
And this week really brought that home for me.
Standing on that TEDx stage…
Feeling everything that moment held for me…
The journey. The healing. The becoming.
I knew, in my body, that saying no to that dinner was the right choice. Because this mattered.
And here’s what I want you to hear, really hear.
You can’t always say no. But you can say no more often than you think.
And sometimes…
The most powerful leadership move you will ever make
is choosing yourself.
Even when it feels uncomfortable.
Even when it feels unfamiliar.
Even when a part of you worries what people will think.
It’s my birthday this Friday darling. I’m turning 46. Eeeeeeeep and eeeeeeeek in equal measures.
And if there’s one thing I know in my bones now, it’s this: You don’t need to become someone else to live a life that feels good. You just need to come home to yourself.
Again. And again. And again.
So I wanted to offer you a few ways to do exactly that.
1. Power Move sessions (a super special birthday offer)
My 1:1 Power Move sessions are normally 90 minutes.
For the next three weeks (because I like the number 3), I’m offering a limited number of 60-minute sessions for less than half price.
These sessions are where we go straight to the heart.
No fluff. No performance. No pretending. Just truth.
Whether you’re navigating a role change, stepping into something bigger, or sitting on a decision you can feel in your body but haven’t acted on yet…
This is a space to come back to yourself.
To hear yourself clearly again.
To trust what you already know.
To move forward from that place.
There are 12 available. Grab your spot here.
2. NYC: Cyclicality is a superpower (my first ever IRL NYC yoga workshop)
If you’re based in NYC, I’m hosting my first ever yoga-meets-leadership-development workshop next weekend in Brooklyn.
We’ll explore how cyclicality is a superpower for women — and how to work with who you are, instead of constantly trying to override yourself.
I would LOVE to see you there.
Come as you are.
Find out more and sign up here.
3. Finding your voice in the age of AI
If you’re thinking about your voice, your career, your place in a world that is changing quickly…
This is a room you’ll want to be in.
Led by the brilliant Vanessa Monsequeira, this is a space for real conversation.
Not performance.
Not posturing.
We’re keeping the group intentionally small so the conversation can go deeper. Sign up here.
Finally, say no to the dinner when you need to say no to the dinner.
Say yes to yourself more often. That’s where your power lives.
Rooting for you always
Ruth x
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