I am not prepared to let a good life get in the way of a great one

Hello beautiful soul

So my last husband — whilst he wasn't a very good husband 😬 — had some great catchphrases.

And one of them, said early on when we met, has never left me.

I remember asking him — are you sure you want to explore this romance with me? We were both pretty well set up at that point. He was happy in his life in Atlanta. I was living what looked like a good life in London. And he said:

"I am not prepared to let a good life get in the way of a great one. Do I love my life now? Sure. But what if life with you takes it to great? So I have to find out."

And something in me just went — yes. That. That is exactly it... and actually? Hard same. 

Because here is the thing. When we met, my life genuinely was good. I was a Chief People Officer earning a salary I was proud of. Working a four day week. Living in an apartment I loved. Getting ready to buy a house again. By every external measure — sorted.

And yet. About six months before I matched with this man on Tinder [side note: he had one of those profiles with little fake reviews of himself, my fellow online daters will know exactly the ones, I really should have known better 🙄] I remember walking around my neighbourhood thinking something I could not quite name.

I feel like my chapter there was finished. Like my work there was complete. It made no sense then. 

I had no idea what was coming. I had no idea where I was going. I just knew something was ready to shift. Have you ever had a feeling like that? 

So we said yes. We met in Saint Lucia. October 2020. Barely any flights going anywhere. But, both of us apparently determined not to let a good life get in the way of a great one, to let fear get in the way of some kinda wonderful.

We fell deeper in love. I left that job. Started my business. Started to become a coach. I moved to Atlanta. And somewhere in that season, hard as it was, I looked up and realised: the work I had been doing before was good. But this? This is GREAT. This is what I was always meant to be doing.

The marriage, however, turned out to be considerably less great than advertised, so I left and divorced that human. But I do not regret a single drop of the love, the tears and the hard ass growth that it brought me. 

It took me from good to great. 

Okay darling, so what is the difference between good and great?

A good life is comfortable. A great life is alive.

A good life is the job you are brilliant at and no longer challenged by. A great life is the one that keeps asking more of you.

A good life is the relationship that is fine. A great life is the one where you are fully seen.

A good life is saying yes to the thing because it would be ungrateful not to. A great life is saying no to the thing because you know something better is coming.

A good life is the Sunday that is fine. A great life is the Sunday that feels like Sunday.

A good life looks right from the outside. A great life feels right from the inside.

The difference is rarely dramatic. It is a feeling. A quiet knowing that something is complete. That you have outgrown the shape you are living in. That there is more — not because you are greedy or ungrateful — but because you were made for it.

But here is why your brain is not going to make this easy for you.

Here is the science bit. And I think it matters.

Your brain is not designed to choose great. It is designed to choose familiar.

Neuroscientists call it status quo bias. The brain's predictive systems treat surprises — even good ones — as computationally costly. Familiar outcomes, even mediocre ones, are preferable to uncertain ones, even potentially excellent ones, because certainty reduces what is called prediction error.

In other words — your brain genuinely cannot tell the difference between familiar and good. It just knows that familiar is safe. And safe is the whole goal.

Research by Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman shows that the brain prioritises avoiding losses over acquiring gains. Which means a new option has to look significantly better than your current situation before your brain will even consider it worth the risk. And even then — if you stay and things go badly, the situation is to blame. If you change and things go badly, you are.

So your brain keeps you in good. Not because good is enough. But because good is known. And great is uncertain. And uncertain feels — in the body — like danger.

This is not a character flaw. This is architecture.

But here is what I want you to understand.

The brain can be shown new evidence. It can be taught that great is survivable. It updates when you take the leap and do not die. When you make the ask and the world does not end. When you leave the good thing and find out that the great thing was there all along waiting for you to be brave enough to look for it.

That is what every single one of my big leaps has taught my nervous system.

At Shazam I stayed five years. Loved it. Loved the people. But I could feel myself outgrowing it and everyone around me wanted me to do the same job in other places. And I said no. I did not want comfortable. I wanted hard. I wanted the next thing that would make me better.

So I went from leading a talent team to sitting at an executive table for the first time. Then to Chief People Officer for a BP-owned company, wrangling with a big corporate for the first time. Every single one of those moves felt like a risk. Every single one was me sharpening my axe. Getting closer to the version of the work I was always supposed to be doing.

And I write this from my dream city of Brooklyn, doing dream work. 

Is running a business solo easy? Heck no. It isn't. But I get to live a life where I get to dance every day, think deeply, feel deeply and hold space for extraordinary women whilst I build something that genuinely matters.

I am still in the trenches of the business of living. I do not know where I am meant to be in my next chapter and I am more than okay with that. I just know I am meant to be here right now. And being fully in the place you are meant to be right now — that is greatness. It does not mean I will always stay here. It means I am completely prepared for whatever is in store.

That is the great life. Not the arrival. The full bodied yes to where you are, and the willingness to keep sharpening your axe for wherever you are going.

So I want to ask you something my darling.

What right now is your brain telling you is good — that actually is not that good?

What are you calling comfortable that is quietly costing you something?

What good life might be getting in the way of your great one?

You do not have to blow everything up to answer that question. You just have to be honest enough to ask it.

And if you want to start getting clear on what your great actually looks like — go and try my free Career Freedom Assessment here: careerfreedom.ruthpenfold.com

It takes ten minutes. It will tell you something true.

With love from my vibrant and alive heart to yours. 

Rooting for you always

Ruth x