Hello beautiful soul
62 million visits. In one month.
I don’t actually care how you break that down — that is still millions of men.
Let that land.
Because what sits underneath that number is real.
Spaces where men are sharing how to harm women. Tactics. Advice. Normalisation of violence.
And before anyone rushes in to soften it, dismiss it, or explain it away — don’t.
I see it in the comments on women’s posts on LinkedIn, correcting us. I see it when women speak up and are talked over, undermined, or made to feel like they’re imagining it. I see it in the quiet misuse of power that never quite gets called out.
This isn’t abstract.
Women feel this every single day — in the body. We just don't always realise that is what is happening.
And yes, I am furious.
Not because I hate men. I don’t. But because I am done pretending this isn’t happening.
Here’s the part that matters for how you lead.
Your nervous system does not separate “the world” from “the workplace”.
It tracks safety. Constantly.
Through tone of voice, interruption, hierarchy, micro-signals, power dynamics.
This is neurobiology, not mindset.
The amygdala is scanning for threat. The vagus nerve is regulating your state. Your system is asking, over and over: am I safe here to be seen?
If the answer is even slightly “maybe not”…
You don’t relax into your thinking brain.
You shift into protection.
- Fight: over-explaining, over-proving, pushing harder.
- Flight: rushing, losing your thread, wanting to get out.
- Freeze: going blank, not being able to process, staying quiet.
- Fawn: agreeing, softening, people-pleasing to maintain safety.
This is not weakness. This is intelligent adaptation.
I remember sitting in meetings, fully present, hearing the words, but not able to take anything in.
Trying to write notes just to keep up.
Waiting for someone to call on me and expose the fact that my brain had gone blank.
Holding it together on the outside while internally scrambling.
I thought there was something wrong with me. There wasn’t.
My system didn’t feel safe enough to stay open.
And this is where we get it wrong.
We’ve been told the answer is confidence.
Speak up more. Be more assertive. Back yourself.
But if your body is in protection, no amount of mindset work will override that for long.
You can push through it.
But you’ll pay for it in exhaustion, overthinking, and that constant sense of “why does this feel so hard?”
What actually changes things is capacity.
Your ability to stay present in your body, even when there is pressure, hierarchy, or uncertainty.
To recognise what’s happening in your system — and not make it mean something about your worth.
To come back to yourself, in real time, instead of abandoning yourself to cope.
That’s where your voice comes back online.
That’s where your thinking sharpens.
That’s where leadership becomes something you inhabit, not something you perform.
This is the work inside Women Who Lead.
Not confidence training.
Not performance coaching.
We work with your nervous system, your patterns, your voice, your truth — so you can lead without bracing, over-functioning, or shrinking yourself to fit.
Because when a woman feels safe in herself, even in environments that aren’t perfect…
She stops making herself the problem.
And everything changes.
We have a new group kicking off this May.
If this is landing in your body as you read — that matters more than anything I could say.
You can reply or book a call with me to explore whether it’s the right space for you.
But hear me when I say this darling...
You were never the problem. Your body was responding to the world it was in. Now you get to choose how you lead within it.
Rooting for you always
Ruth x
Ps. I break a lot of what we experience down in my recent TEDx. In case you missed it, find it below.
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